To Sense: just a few pennies

so i was reading some of your previous (EARLY) posts, not to mention simply the theme of this altogether, and while you were talking about being young, carefree, and wild i just feel that i missed that part altogheter. people get old--DUH! and of course as they do, they get stubborn, pig-head, unforgiving and intolerent. Of course maybe i've become this way because of the semi-recent ex-boy fiasco as he ran off with an over weight, two year younger, teammate of mine....but nah, i dont think that would make me bitter ;)

i was walking across the tzo the other day and it hit me...for the first time ever i felt like i was "grown up." i always wondered what that would be like. i mean i've always felt like i was playing the part, just lost in the theatrical production that i had created for myself as a reality, but never truly living this life. throughout all stages of my life, i've never felt old enough to be where i was--while in high school i felt like a junior higher, and while here i certainly dont feel older than a high schooler let alone close to graduation and beginning a career. but as i walked and reflected, i realized that i was an andult--and i FELT like it! while that was always a goal of mine, i mean at least to feel that way at some point in time, and thus came back to my room feeling somewhat fulfilled i still just wanted to cry. is that it? does that mean i'm old? cuz i dont feel i've had enough fun to have actually crossed that threshold and sealed off that part of my life --childhood, adolence, young adult, anything but old--as the past. the best years of my life--have they past me by? if so, then i really dont have anything to look forward to. i mean college years are supposed to be the fun of all fun, the careless and wild days, the times you'll never forget yet never truly want to relive, right? BLAH to that!! i've grown up but never experienced all of that. sad isnt it? eh, i'll live...just thought it funny how you're old messages made me think.