Saturday, October 30, 2004

this crazy thing called life...

so i was reading some of your previous (EARLY) posts, not to mention simply the theme of this altogether, and while you were talking about being young, carefree, and wild i just feel that i missed that part altogheter. people get old--DUH! and of course as they do, they get stubborn, pig-head, unforgiving and intolerent. Of course maybe i've become this way because of the semi-recent ex-boy fiasco as he ran off with an over weight, two year younger, teammate of mine....but nah, i dont think that would make me bitter ;)

i was walking across the tzo the other day and it hit me...for the first time ever i felt like i was "grown up." i always wondered what that would be like. i mean i've always felt like i was playing the part, just lost in the theatrical production that i had created for myself as a reality, but never truly living this life. throughout all stages of my life, i've never felt old enough to be where i was--while in high school i felt like a junior higher, and while here i certainly dont feel older than a high schooler let alone close to graduation and beginning a career. but as i walked and reflected, i realized that i was an andult--and i FELT like it! while that was always a goal of mine, i mean at least to feel that way at some point in time, and thus came back to my room feeling somewhat fulfilled i still just wanted to cry. is that it? does that mean i'm old? cuz i dont feel i've had enough fun to have actually crossed that threshold and sealed off that part of my life --childhood, adolence, young adult, anything but old--as the past. the best years of my life--have they past me by? if so, then i really dont have anything to look forward to. i mean college years are supposed to be the fun of all fun, the careless and wild days, the times you'll never forget yet never truly want to relive, right? BLAH to that!! i've grown up but never experienced all of that. sad isnt it? eh, i'll live...just thought it funny how you're old messages made me think.

Silly girl!! You can always have careless and wild days, and of course the best years of your life have not passed you by...that's just what advertisers want you to believe so you'll buy their face creams and eat at their restuarants in an effort to regain your "golden youth."

My college years were not the "fun of all fun," although I have to admit there were some grrrreat times. And I bet that you have to admit that too.

What's kind of frightening is that it was just the other day when it struck me, too, that I was an adult. There was some great revelation that came with it, but I didn't write it down and's gone. Do you think that means I'm back to not being an adult?

Anyways--isn't it kind of spooky that we may have realized we're adults on the exact same day? Too bad we're not twins...

NeverNeverLand, here I come!
I like the look of your blog.


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